naguguluhan ako kapag wala ka… T_T

sa bukana palang ng banyo

natikman ko na agad

ang mapait at matamis na lasang

sabi mo ay

maaari kong tikman pero huwag gugustuhin

naaalala ko pa noong unang beses

na binigyan mo ako ng yosi

bagong taon, mausok, masaya

mabuti ng matuto ka sakin

kesa sa barkada mo pa

un ung sabi mo

hinding hindi ko un malilimutan…

sabi mo naman

mabuting hindi binigyan ng Diyos

ang tao ng kapangyarihan

nang bigla mong naisip na kung nagkagayon

malamang, may napatay na ako

pero hindi mo naisip na

maliiit palang ako, kung nagkagayon

marami na akong napatay

lagi mo sanang tandaan un…

pareho pareho lang siguro tayong

hindi sigurado sa mga kasama natin

sari-sarili tayong nangmamaliit at minamaliit ang isa’t isa

pero kahit ano pang maalala at ipaalala ko

basta alam kong mahal ko kayo at mahal niyo din ako

hinding-hindi ko un malilimutan

haix…

musta na? tagal an din plang di kita nabksan XD

ito namromroblema na naman

sa totoo lang, wala nman tlga problema

nakakalungkot lang

kahit gano siguro ipaalala sakin

na walang taong nasa tabi mo palagi

hindi ko pa rin maiintindihan

at hindi pa rin ako maniniwala

aasa at aasa at aasa pa rin

haix…

alam kong mali

di maling umasa

o dumepende

pero masamang umabuso

sa estado ko ngayon

inaabuso na siguro ang tawag dito

alam ko namang di ka nagkulang ng paalala

at nakikinig naman ako sau

pero ang hirap kasi

ang hirap kalabanin ng sarili mo XD

haix…

sana may wishing well na totoo

sana nalang palagi…

sabi mo nga

-nawalan na ako ng bibig

-nawalan na ako ng lakas ng loob

-nwalan ng kompyansa sa sarili

alam ko din na malamang ang sumunod na mawala sakin

ikaw

kasi alam ko namang

hindi sa lahat ng oras matino ang tao

hindi sa lahat ng oras kaya nating umintindi

kahit cguro gano mo pa mabuo ung sarili mo

babalik at babalik ung mga krak sa loob

kc kapag nasira na

hindi na nakukumpleto

kapag nasira na

marupok na kahit maaus

kahit saang angulo naman tignan

mali tlga

palagi naman hehehe

haix…

walang namang problema

nakakalungkot lang

ochige

barahin mo nlng uli ako

para magbago pananaw ko

ganun nmn plagi di ba?

maliliwanagan ako tapos

mabubulag uli

sana hindi ka mapagod

alam ko ding me limitasyon ka

sana lang alam mo din

na nangangapa pa rin ako

mukhang natatagalan pa bago ako

maging maaus

at sensya na ,paulit ulit

wala namang problema

nalulungkot lang ako

kumusta ka na?
magulo pa din… para ngang mas gumulo pero mas sumaya

magulo pero masaya…

magulo nga ba?
minsan mahilig tayong lumikha nga mundong magulo

isang mundong nilikha lamang natin

ngayon magulo pa ba?

hindi pa rin ba tahimik?
sisigaw ako kapag hindi mo rinig

dahil kapag narinig mo
lalong gugulo
pero gagaan ang loob ko

pero wag nalang…

bakit di ka pa natutulog?
umaga na naman
at pagkatapos magrereklamo ka sa pag-iksi
ng panahon ng pahinga mo

nagpahinga ka ba?
hindi ba’t patuloy kang nag-isip
hindi ka rin naman nagpahinga

pero iba pa ring ung sinabi mong
panahon ng pahinga mo hindi ba?

hindi ba’t nakakapahinga ka kahit maraming ginagawa
maraming problema?

pero hindi ka pa rin nagpahinga
at magrereklamo ka pa rin
sa simula ng trabaho mong
sa paningin mo ay mahirap
at nakakapagod

nakakpagod nga ba?
nakakapagod ba ang isang bagay na hindi naman gaanong nilalaanan ng pag-iisip
at nang matinding pagninilay?

hindi ba’t nakakaubos lamang ng oras ang trabaho mo?
hindi ba’t dapat ang oras ang napapagod at hindi ikaw?

walang karapatang sabihin yan, dahil hindi ikaw ang nasa katayuan ko

hindi nga ba?

kumusta ka na?
sana nakapahinga ka na

sabihin mo sakin kapag OK ka na
tsaka tayo mag-usap

teka lang, bakit mo ko iiwanan?

suicidals
made to die
angels have wings to fly
evil, does it cry?
blood flows..goodbye
lovers made to kiss
a vow, one suddenly miss
regret was there the least
confused with ruined wrist
she pleads for his heart
he stood miles apart
hands tied in art
crashes to the start
she flies so high today
he runs to block her way
stuck, powerless to sway
he grabs with manners astray
she gave up dreams
he listed her with grieves
she was wasn’t made for tears
he was always there for her fears
she froze alone bleeding
he longs for her loving
to late for his bidding
she was gone, life’s missing

"goodbye my love so blue
would you forgive me before life’s due?
im ending with a saying, i made for you
Death for lovers and suicidals are done when one finds a love so true and my
love it is my only you"

——————————————————————-

living
with eyes slowly closing
hands lean like the monument
colors of the sky so depressing
illuminated by her dark lament
growing with limited information
mind with too much space
a girl reaching for a dislocation
running, running within this dead end maze

——————————————————————–

THE LONG SLEEVES

♠♣♥♦

The night I
pulled my sleeves long
and put myself to tears
just to get my eyes closed for a
while
was never intended. 

♠♣♥♦

It was the discovery
of the tablets
that never can kill.
It was the invention of his red ink
that fills the sketches
on our own dress. 

♠♣♥♦

The night
filled my neck with stains
made by the strings that used to echo
as I listen to the mellow tune
of his lament.

My wish was
never a hope in a prayer.
It was the red house,
with its red car,
and its pale master
that suffocates my burning arm.

♠♣♥♦

The night I
pulled my eyes shut,
was never disturbed.
It was medicated to spoil itself

♠♣♥♦

And the
night I pulled my sleeves long
was the night I knew
that I fell to a dream
that was never perfect.
It was normal,
but unforgiving

It was the
price of the sadist life
that had just begun. ♥♥♥

——————————————————————————————–

sitting
in this abandoned corner
i think of nothing but you
now, is it forever?
i’m stranded in this blue
nothing’s i held today
tomorrow can i feel you?
as this life fades away
one last time let me hear you
sing our song of rebellion
sing the song of truth
hear my dying nation
let me bleed the youth

I always write
poems for suicidals, never knowing that I will find myself in my own letters.
I’ve always been the tough one in everything, never knowing that I will find
myself lying in a corner, drowning in my own tears and blood lets of red rain.

 As my silhouette roam around these halls,
many said that I’ve always lived in fantasy. The truth was the opposite. My
shadow is only a façade of who I really am for I was drowned even in my own
eyes and no one can reach me even him.

 Late afternoon, one night, near sunset, I
tried to end whisper of voices in my head. I was so confused. I never thought
that it’ll be over. Then, he held me close and put me to sleep. As I close my
eyes and loose my sanity, my paradise started to bring light and in reality it
will never be.

 The clock rang early morn. I was alone
again. I started to think. I started to cry then I understand that life is
never made perfect. If this is my path then I shall take it. No matter what will
happen, I will never again lose faith in that

Man.

 From this, I learned without books, the
meaning of love and the meaning of myself. I learned that dreams are only
dreams. They aren’t real. Poems are only poems. They are words to inspire and
to satisfy. And suicidals are suicidals made to lose life but I stand for them,
knowing the insides of one. But now, I learned a lot.

 Though yesterday he left me and tomorrow
he’ll be gone, I’ve realized that death is never an answer for any problem. For
today, he holds me tight and though I can’t breathe I won’t ever let go. For I
learned that death is made for those who has no heart at all because it is
given away to the one she loved most.

 Through this I say that I fear no death for
I’ve found what I’ve lived for and this is what I call my “counter lullaby”.

wala plang word na suicidals hehehehe

pasensya na kung walang kwenta ang aking mga isusulat
hinahangin lng ang utak ko ngaun

ang tgal ko nang hindi nagsulat
at alam ko nagiging tanga na ako
lalong nagiging tanga…

nawawala lahat
unti-unti
isa-isa
wala akong maisip

gusto ko lang matulog
ngunit ayaw pagbigyan

kung kayo’y mahimbing sa pagtulog
ang mga mata ko’y mulat
unti unting kinakain ng kadiliman ang
katiting na liwanag na natitira sa
utak ko

at ngaun
lalo itong lumilipad
palayo
nang palayo

pero gusto ko pa ring sumulat
gusto ko pa rin
ngunit ayaw pagbigyan

ayw pagbigyan
ako ay malaya

malaya kong nagagawa ang mga naisin
malaya kong sirain ang sarili
malaya ko rin itong palaguin

hihithit ng yosi
at titingin sa salamin
malimutan ko na ata kung paano

tititigan ang usok
at oo
tulad mo din ang laman ng isipan ko
usok sa hanging walang patutunguhan

sabay lang sa iyong pag-agos

kung pipigilan ko ang paghinga
mananatili ang usok
mananatili

ngunit kung ito’y ibubuga
sigurado na ang paglaho

pero ayoko pang mamatay
pero ninais ko din minsan

pero…

wala na naman akong masabi

at biglang meron pa din naman
khit papaano

natutulala sa liwanag ng monitor
…
liwanag!
ikaw ang liwanag ko ngaung gabi
wag mo akong iiwan ha?

natatakot akong mag-isa
madilim sa ibaba
maya maya nalang ako pupunta doon

samahan mo muna ako…

ang liwanag ko…
indi ikaw ang liwanag ko…

maliwanag pa din ba?

madilim sa ibaba…

at khit sa dilim na iyon
ipikit ko man ang mga mata’y
balewala…

aandar pa din ang utak kong
puno ng usok
WAG HIHINGA!
hihinga ako
kelangan ko din
ang magpahinga…

gusto ko din managinip
parang pangarap na lamang nagun ang managinip

dahil puro bangungot ang inaabot ko
sa twing hindi hihinga
nang mahaba mahabang oras

nakakatamad
wala ang liwanag ko

nakaktamad
ang mga ayaw na
walang kwenta
dahil sa kababawan ko

dhil sa utak kong puno ng usok

KATANGAHAN!!!
sana lumayo ka na sakin

at pang-unawa…
bkit mo ako iniwan?
kelan ka babalik?
hindi ko pede ipilit ang ayaw

pero pag kailangan
pero pano pag ayaw?

pero…

inspire me

hear me

oh,tell me

would you

lie with me?

leave it

live with me

and this heart<3

it beats for you

only

would you tell her

she’s lovely

up until the day

she dies?

would you tell her

you’re badly in need

of her LOVE

up until she forgets

the mem’ries?

see me

feel me

fly away

with me

would you tell me

i’m lovely

up until the day

i die?

would you tell me

you’re badly in need

of my LOVE

up until i forget

i am never permanent

never

but i am permanently yours

i am permanently yours

would you tell me

you LOVE me

for always

permanently

infinitely

clear

and true?

wala pang pang record nakay momond pa hehehe>.<

1st SONG:
im sinking into ur habit
evaporating from mine
am i becoming something
that you had wished for all your life
TONIGHT
THE STARS SHINE BRIGHTLY
WILL THERE BE NO RAIN TO FALL?
THEN TELL ME WHAT IS THIS IM FELLING
TELL ME IS IT YOU (IM FALLING FOR)
im floating in mid air
youre emptying my head
filling my heart in
Oh there’s something wrong
TONIGHT
THE STARS SHINE BRIGHTLY
WILL THERE BE NO RAIN TO FALL?
THEN TELL ME WHAT IS THIS IM FELLING
TELL ME IS IT YOU (IM FALLING FOR)
stop this
and please
hold my hand
i’ll close my eyes
embrace me tighter
TONIGHT

THE STARS SHINE BRIGHTLY
TONIGHT I WILL BE YOURS
TONIGHT WE’LL BE KISSING
(WOULD YOU)
LOVE ME STILL WHEN
TOMORROW FALLS
im sinking into ur habit
evaporating from mine

2ND SONG:
we’re giving gifts smiling
but crying inside
i must say
youre too inlove for this
open up my eyes
i’ll never have it my way
tv said the musics over
time to play my own
words from here to you
listen to me now
YOU WILL ALWAYS BE HERE
AND THE CONTRACT SAID IT RIGHT
THAT YOU WILL ALWAYS BE HERE
INSIDE THIS HEART
you’re giving space smiling
but crying inside
we must say
im too selfish for this
open up your eyes
im gonna get it my way
tv said the musics over
time to play my own
words from here to you
listen to me now
YOU WILL ALWAYS BE HERE
AND THE CONTRACT SAID IT RIGHT
THAT YOU WILL ALWAYS BE HERE
INSIDE THIS HEART of mine <3

iipunin ang bawat sandaling ika’y kasama

alam kong mamaya tayo’y maghihiwalay na

habang buhay ko, na lamang panaginip

ang natapos na sandali

mamaya’y babalik na sa dati

ang ika’y malayo sa aking pagtitig

sa mundong ika’y isang panaginip

na lamang mayayakap muli

PAGKAKATAONG MINSA’Y NAKASAMA

AT DI MAN TUMIGIL ANG ORAS

PATULOY PA RING IKA’Y MAMAHALIN

HANGGAN SA MATAPOS NA…ANG SAKIT

walang magbabago

patuloy pa ring ika’y hihintayin

ang sandaling

atin…

PAGKAKATAONG MINSA’Y NAKASAMA

AT DI MAN TUMIGIL ANG ORAS

PATULOY PA RING IKA’Y MAMAHALIN

HANGGAN SA MATAPOS NA…ANG SAKIT

ang sandaling atin

hihintayin

ang sandaling atin

iipunin ang bawat sandali

patuloy pa ring ika’y

hihintayin

patuloy pa ring ika’y HIHINTAYIN